-Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.
–Proverbs 4:23
-“You shall not pass!!”
–Gandalf, “Fellowship of the Ring”
-I called to the Lord from my narrow prison and He answered me in the freedom of space.
–Viktor Frankl, “Man’s Search for Meaning”
-When hard pressed, I cried to the Lord; He brought me to a spacious place.
–Psalm 118:5
March 2015…
I stood in the center of the new apartment. It marked the end of many things…of my marriage, of certain aspects of my identity, of my…old life. Yet it was also a beginning. It was empty, yet full…of possibilities…
and hope.
June 2025…
On Monday my iron-sharpens-iron buddy and I were deep in our weekly ritual of comparing calendars, searching for a slot where we could “squash in” a walk together. Sadly, not everybody is on board with the practice of “mutual squashing.” We’ve all seen this…friends, family, acquaintances exhibiting one or more of the following traits…
- “Something has happened!” Again.
- “I need to talk/meet/visit!” Frequently.
- “Just a few minutes.” It never is.
- “Just a few dollars. I’ll never ask again.” They will.
- “You’re the ONLY ONE who can help!” Now!!!
You love them. You try. But no matter how much you give, it’s never done…and it’s never enough. So you determine your level of “No,” and stand firm.
My most recent (codename “Z”) ended our relationship a few days ago. Via text. At 2AM. The day before the funeral of one of my closest friends.
Because, I guess, when you’re on the offensive, be as offensive as possible.
Bravo! Mission accomplished.
My crime? I couldn’t offer “on-call, 24/7 squashability.”
I can be somewhat cavalier about it now, but initially I was crushed. Add to that a mental stew of guilt and shame and general overthinking, in which I repeatedly grilled myself…
“Could I have done anything differently? Am I a bad friend…person…Christian?”
Yeah, I went there. Then I got down to prayer. In merciful rapidity God gave me a warm, rich measure of peace, yet still…those thoughts kept coming.
“Ugh! How do I take these captive, Lord? Z has moved on. How do I do the same?”
A couple days later, I’m at a reception, and a woman I just met leans forward, locks me in a soul stare, and asks, “Do you have someone living rent-free in your head?”
Okay, Holy Spirit, that’s kinda spooky.
The next morning, I’m praying-journaling…
“For months I have allotted a considerable amount of headspace to this person. That ‘apartment’ needs to be cleared out and opened up. Hey! It’s time to write an eviction notice!”
EVICTION NOTICE
To: Tenant
From: Landlord
This letter is a notice of eviction for the tenant __________________________. During your short term of residency, I have observed the following…
A. inability to truly listen and engage in a two-way conversation
B. constant demands for phone calls and time, above and beyond the restrictions of schedule and reality
C. a consistent resistance to, and resentment of, boundaries that are reasonable and healthy for all parties involved
D. defamation of landlord’s character due to landlord being unable to read tenant’s mind and thoroughly fulfill every need, request, and whim of tenant in the precise time and manner prescribed by tenant
E. refusal to acknowledge or change the dynamic after countless prompts and communications from landlord
After a thwarted attempt to break my tender heart and loving soul, it is without delay that I open the door and escort you out. The way will be barred henceforth, and no entry/reentry will be permitted from this day forward.
Any appeals should be directed to the Head of this corporation, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
With love,
Shelbo
Certain people…or thoughts…may pass through my mind, but they’re not allowed to live there, rent-free or otherwise. I have to take those squatters captive, and evict them, as stated in the notice, with love.
With love…because…
We are to love one another.
Sometimes love is “No.”
Sometimes “No” is necessary.
I prayed and He answered me with space.
Another empty apartment, waiting to be filled…
with Him, through Him, by Him.
In every “necessary no…”
there is an important Yes…to so much more.