-…and said to them, “Go over before the ark of the Lord your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, ‘What do these stones mean?’ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the Lord. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever.”

–Joshua 4: 5-7

-Yet to all who did receive Him, to those who believed in His name, He gave the right to become children of God.

–John 1:12

-‘Cause on my best day, I’m a child of God; on my worst day, I’m a child of God; oh, every day is a good day, and You’re the reason why…

I’m so blessed, I’m so blessed, got this heartbeat in my chest. No, it doesn’t matter about the rest; if I got You, Lord, I’m so blessed.

–“I’m so blessed” by Cain

Earlier today I was singing and I got the words wrong…

“I’m so blessed, I’m so blessed, got this heartache in my chest…”

Oh.

Right.

Yes, I do. Have this heartache in my chest.

A week ago marked the end of a seven-year relationship. We started with prayer, holding hands, heads bowed, before sitting down to talk. We both agreed that letting go was the right thing to do, and parted with mutual, loving regard…

And one last hug.

I miss the hugs.

Breakups, no matter how amicable, SUCK.

Yet, as I walk through this pain, I’m not alone. I have a literal platoon of family and friends by my side…and I have Him. Plus…I’ve been in a place like this before.

In October 2015 I was sitting at a sidewalk table in New Jersey, shattered, but resolute. After months of separation, mediation sessions had finally begun. I’d applied for early retirement, and decided to move back to the Midwest. And my father had just passed away.

I’d come to the cafe to work on my share of the thank-you cards from the funeral, a task I found impossible to even consider in the bleak confines of my “divorcee apartment.” As I struggled to write down something appropriate and semi-coherent (over and over), it happened…

A man exiting the store next door said into his phone, “No, don’t worry. My wife is coming to pick me up.”

My…wife.

The pen skittered out of my hand.

“Oh. my. gosh,” I thought, “I’m not going to be a wife anymore.”

And then it all came tumbling out…

“I’m not going to be a wife anymore…or a teacher…or from New Jersey…I have no home…no financial stability…no father…anymore…anymore…anymore…”

All I could see was a deep, wide, vast chasm in front of me…and if I stepped forward, I’d pitch into utter nothingness.

Null and void.

A null-and-void void.

“What will I be? Who will I be? Who am I?”

“You are a child of God, Shelbo. That’s who you are.”

Deep inhale…exhale…taking in that truth…

“Okay, Lord,” I whispered, “Okay.”

Fast forward to last Sunday…

Alarm goes off, I open my eyes…and remember…

It’s over.

Another chasm awaits.

“No, Lord, I can’t do this. I can’t. I’m going to roll over and just stay right here for a while longer…like…until 2030? Sounds about right…how’s that work for You?”

“Shelbo, I have brought you through so much in your life. I’m going to help you get through this, just like all those other times…”

And then He made me get out of bed and immediately, before coffee, scribble out a list of “all those other times.”

I visited them again this morning (mug in hand).

My own personal stones of remembrance.

No matter where I’ve been, where I am, where I’m headed, in this ever-changing world…

I have a God who never changes.

And I am His child.

I’m. so. blessed.

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