Failing…

“For I hold you by your right hand–I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.'”

–Isaiah 41:13

In falling, in failing, we rise.

–journal entry, 2018

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

–1 Thessalonians 5:16-17

In falling, in failing, we rise.

I remember one of my last therapy sessions with my ex-husband. The decision had been made to start mediation. He said, “I feel like a failure.” To which I replied, “You are not a failure. I am not a failure. The marriage failed.”

I still feel that way three years after that conversation took place. And although I’ll experience occasional regret, nostalgia, a yearning for “the old life,” it is eclipsed by the confidence that I am exactly where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to do.

This in no way implies that I have “life figured out.” The credit goes to Him. Every day I wake up to a clean slate and ask Him to fill it, because, well, He’s the only One Who Can. I gave it a go for decades. Ugh.

The journey to this place was not a straight line or steady incline. There have been struggles, disasters, and, sometimes, overwhelming pain and desperation. There has also been joy…the most profound, bottom of the soul, weeping because it is so vast you don’t know if you can humanly contain it, joy. And that joy, somehow, has come to infiltrate everything…illogically and miraculously…the good and the bad, the hills and the valleys.

I have learned two valuable lessons. Finally. Because I knew them in my head, but not in my heart and soul and spirit…

1. God is always there.
2. I will be grateful in suffering as much as in triumph.

In falling, in failing…He is with us, we are in His arms.

And when we rise…He is by our side, holding our hand.

Always.

In falling, in failing…

His love NEVER fails.