Wind and clouds…

-God did this so that they would seek Him and perhaps reach out for Him and find Him, though He is not far from any of us.

–Acts 17:27

-“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.”

“Come,” He said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat and walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. “You of little faith,” he said, “why did you doubt?”

–Matthew 14:28-31

In recent conversation, a friend shared that “focus” is her word for 2024.

Hoo boy.

I thought “service” was challenging…but focus…

Uff da.

A church acquaintance around my age grapples with ADHD, and I regularly think of (and pray for!) her. Life puts enough on our plate to sort out on the exterior…what if a person also has to corral a constantly chaotic interior? Even sans diagnosis, I find my mind spinning early and often on a daily basis. Rather than “living in the present” and “single tasking,” I end up planted in the middle of a carnival…a rollercoaster, tilt-a-whirl universe of distractions…

Or, sometimes, just one big one.

As I’ve detailed in other posts, I have eye issues, one of them being “floaters”…a myriad of transparent squiggles and blobs that gambol and dart before my retina, creating a perpetual aquarium between me and the world. Like the anxieties, ideas, and memories that continually assault my attention, I’ve trained myself to “ignore” these ocular obstructions as well, to look beyond them and focus on the scene and the moment in front of me. It takes some effort, and a lot of help from Him, and it does get easier…like the faithful repetition of a thousand swings on a driving range.

Then the game changes.

In my case, a large black spot appeared right in the center of my line of sight…and did. not. move. On top of being, um, annoying and inconvenient, it was worrisome. What WAS this? Was this the beginning of the end? Was I going blind?

After my check-up (“all fine, totally normal, give it three months”), I’m relieved, and at the same time…three months?!

No miracle treatment…no quick resolution…three frigging months. How am I supposed to DO this? Function with this?

My mind reversed to past “occlusions” in my life…a loved one’s illness, an upcoming bill, a wait for results of tests and scans. No matter the scenario, I have this wide field of vision, this full life playing out before me…and I just keep going back to that one. black. spot.

And until I find a balance (because that spot is gonna be there a while)…unless I find a balance…my whole world becomes that spot, be it a physical or mental one…and to what end? The spot is still there, and I’ve missed everything else.

So, how do I find that balance, change that focus?

Prayer. Only prayer.

“Lord, I know that whatever happens, whatever I have to deal with, physically, emotionally, financially, spiritually, I know You are going to give me the ability to overcome it, to live through it, to live with it…three days, three months, three decades. I know I can do it, whatever it is, with You.”

And whaddayaknow? At some point within that three months, that black spot slid…unremarked…overnight…to the periphery.

“Okay,” I thought, “might be on to something here.”

Sunday morning, I’m heading for church, trying to have an uninterrupted chat with my Creator…my head a frenetic tangle…

Buzz!…Buzz!…BUZZ!!!!

“Lord, help.”

Instantly, a picture of blue sky, bright sun, a few puffy clouds for contrast…

“Let the clouds float on past. Focus on the sun.”

Yes!!!

Now, when the clouds scuttle in, especially a huge, dark thunderhead threatening to obliterate everything in its path…

I zero in on that brilliant, powerful Light…

Shining on my upturned face, His warmth falling around me and through me…

Pushing the clouds aside with His breath of life.

Focus on the sun.

Focus on the Son.